QUO VADIS ? AT THE ERC

I have enjoyed quite a few small triumphs, as I learned more about how to help people, especially with their resumes, and I now have helped to write many more resumes, and some very complicated ones. We have learned from our very knowledgeable Associate Manager, Ben Barclay, who was hired this year, that the most effective resumes need to be “measurable,”proving the competence and skills that are showcased in the resume.

Much has happened since I last wrote in this blog. No, my situation with the senior sisters has not changed very much, although my companion has gone home. Now, I can be myself at least away from the center—and feel like I am an acceptable person. However, I still feel a lot of judgment in the ERC where I can't seem to say or do the “ right” thing. But now it doesn't affect me as much—though the hours at the center (when the people looking for employment don't come in) seem very long. Early in February, the mission president asked me to come into his office to see him. He said that my “replacement” was coming in May. I didn't understand him at first and said that they must have made a mistake, because that had to be Sister Clark's replacement, as she was going home right away. I told him that I was, I thought, supposed to go home in October. He was very nice and said he would find out more. Then, only a week later, I was given a paper by the service missionary who is our coordinator, which came from the Missionary Department. It was an official notice of my release date. I was devastated: the date was May 30! I immediately asked if I could talk to the mission president again, but he was busy until  the next week. I felt that I had promised the Savior a whole year of service, and I would let Him down if I did less. I, again, spent the night in tears and prayer, but, in the morning, I felt such a warm reassurance as the Spirit whispered, “You are not being sent home as a “troublemaker” or they would have sent you home directly. It is an honorable release; you could extend, if you want to.” I felt so relieved and ressolved that I would ask my mission president how I could go about doing that. In the days before he could talk to me, I began to wonder if I had, after all,  received an answer to my secret prayer.  (Unknown to everybody, under all the duress, I had prayed daily, shortly after I realized what I had gotten into, that I would not run away, but stick it out and work and learn and do everything I could at least until May, and then, if things didn't improve, that I could, through some miracle orchestrated by Him, go home honorably and finish my mission there. I just didn't think I could endure all of the misery which made every day a challenge (with the exception of the wonderful blessings interspersed during each day—which were not inconsiderable) and also not be able to be outside in Nature to pray and meditate because of the terrible heat which would come in the summer. However, I realized that I loved the work in my mission and because I was doing this for Him, I was commited to stay out for the the year—until Oct. When I was able to talk to the mission president, I told him I had wanted to receive counsel about whether I should extend my mission, but he felt strongly that I should go along with the “plan” from Salt Lake and did not want to even discuss the possibility of my extending. After I left his office I wondered if I was being punished for being persecuted!. Frankly, I was getting tired of fighting it and felt that maybe I should pray again about what He wanted me to do. After all, I was serving this mission for Him. As I was praying, I felt a prompting that almost made me laugh. He knew exactly what I was going into way before I ever arrived here! It was all part of His plan for me, and it was exactly what He had for me to learn. It was not just a “bad fit” as my mission president expressed it, but, ironically, it was a perfect fit for my ongoing education and for His plan for me. For whatever reason this was done, my updated release date was also part of His plan for me. I felt this warm wonderful feeling that He was pleased with my sacrifice and accepted my service, despite my own feelings of failure. It was all right for me to go home the end of May, and it was an honorable release! Although it wasn't a year, but 8 months, it has felt like a lot longer time, as the time has dragged during the “down times” which were often the rule, not the exception Prior to my meeting with the mission president and after I had received the release paper, I noticed the phone number of my beloved stake president on the paper, and, in desperation, I called him. He was so supportive and kind and asked me to tell him everything I had experienced. I told him how much I loved the service part of the mission, but was so hurt and confused by the way I felt I had been treated. I had thought for a long time that it must be my fault or just my perception, but others, including some of the candidates and a few sweet friends I had made, had commented on it too. He said he felt that he would be happy to have me come home and that there were lots of opportunities for service there that he would love for me to do. He said it was not about how long I might serve, but how I served, and I knew in my heart I had given my best. So, I am going to do my best to work as hard as I can between now and May 30, and then, joyously return to my family. Now, I feel so differently about this mission. I do love it and all that I have learned from it. Because of this mission, I have learned to listen better and validate what others say to me. I am becoming much more more forthright, while also trying to be considerate and sensitive in my communication. I am learning how to be more meek and humble, and to be quiet and listen with more attention to what others have to say. I am also learning to be more precise and careful in whatever work I do. I have learned so much about the problems and trials in unemployment and the great resources the LDSEmployment Resource Center has to offer, how to use the computer and help people with their resumes. Most importantly, I have been shown the importance of communicating to others in a kind, loving and positive way, knowing how negative words and non-verbal cues can be weapons that are damaging and hurtful. I realize that if I had not tried to stay close to the Savior, who I have learned over many years has always been there for me, and for whom I wanted so much to serve, despite whatever opposition, I might have actually run away and maybe even become inactive in the only true Church. We have to endure many things in order to be more like the Savior, and I surely have had to endure very little in the way of pain compared to those heart-breaking trials He had to face, which would have destroyed me. Most of all, I have been able to share my love, my testimony, my hope with others who were receptive—to “impart to others the “reason for the hope that is in me.” I still am concerned about what some of my friends and family might think about my returning in May, though I know this smacks of the “fear of men”, but I hope I will find the love and acceptance I felt before I left. In any case, I know He will still be there for me and I can count on His great love to bear me up.